Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Congratulations! We have a period
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
