I wish my penis had an off switch
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
