Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
