me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
