I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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