Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
