I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
