his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
