Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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