We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
