we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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