DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
