sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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