Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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