i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
