Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Quick, to the slutcave!
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
