Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
