now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Randomize
