I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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