My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
