I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
