I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
