I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
