did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
