wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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