your parents love me but you hate me
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
The uberlube is also flammable
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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