I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
