My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
