his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
