Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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