you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
