The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Randomize
