youre lurking in front of me
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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