Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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