Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
