Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
