FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
