SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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