I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I am spending my child support on dildos
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
