Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
