an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Randomize
