she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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