Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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