im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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