I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
