So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
