I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
