I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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