Well apparently he's into motor boating.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
