its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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