Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
