My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
