Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
