did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I smell like Dick and happiness
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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