fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
