She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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