I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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