Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
