That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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