I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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