i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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