I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
