I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
