You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
