Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
