My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
