Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
