What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
