We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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