Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize