I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
