My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
