we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
