Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
She announced her abortion via fbk
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
please don't ironically join a cult
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