After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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