Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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