When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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