My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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